Well, I’ve been been back in Durham for three days and the longest conversation I’ve had with anyone has been a half-smile. I’m clearly a bit of a socialite. A social butterfly. I’m a Kardashian. Real students of Durham County.
I’ve spent a day in the library, and two chained to my desk at home. I’ve written one essay and a bit of another – just 8,000 words to go! I’m actually working surprisingly fast for someone on the edge of a stress breakdown. The endorphins are getting me through what, realistically, are some of the last EVER essays I’ll have to write. Once these 15,000 words are in, all that’s left is a little half essay and my dissertation. Buzzing.
It’s probably even more exciting for you tbh. Not long left of me only writing blog posts about being tired and stressed. There’re only so many times a gal can see the number ‘15,000’ written down.
I am, as you can guess, already bored of being back on the essay grind. I just don’t really care anymore. Sure, I care about getting the MA overall, but do I care about the relationship between theology and psychoanalysis? No. But, here I am. At my desk.
That said, I’m obviously writing a blog post right now. I’m very clearly not working. This is another ‘I’m Writing This Instead Of An Essay Due Tomorrow‘ or ‘20 Things I Wish I Was Doing Right Now (Instead Of Writing My Dissertation)‘ – they’e a classic Imii move. I’m the queen of procrasti-blogging.
There are, however, three things that keep me sitting in that library chair. Three things that I trick myself into believing as I throw on a BB cream and walk to the bus stop in the rain.
01. It’ll all be over pretty soon, and I’d rather have something to show from the time than not. I mean seriously, what would have been the point of this whole year if I don’t actually do the work and don’t end up with anything at the end? The harder I work today, the less hard I’ll have to work tomorrow, and then it all gets handed in on time.
02. No one ever asks what you got in your MA. Sure, all these job requirements like 2.1 and above are all well and good, and I have that so that’s nice. But no one ever says, ‘oh, I’m sorry, you got a merit in your MA? Not quite the distinction, is it?’ because no one even knows that that’s how MAs are graded. I didn’t even know until a term into this year. Do the work, pass the work, get an MA. Take some of that pressure off a little bit.
03. You can only really complain about something you’re doing. It’s not like, ‘oh I have so much work cry cry’ is going to get you any sympathy if you’re just at home watching netflix and putting it off. Spend a day at the library drinking shit tea and eating almonds out of your pocket and people are likely to be far nicer to you. Wake up early, get to the library early and work until your tired and THEN tell everyone how hard you’ve been working and how tired you are. Manipulation in the highest degree, but also useful and worthwhile because you’re still getting hella work done.
Now, if you don’t mind, I have some work to do. Stained glass windows, anyone? x