[dropcap]I[/dropcap]‘m writing this on the train going back to Durham for what will be my fifth year at university. Can you even imagine such a thing? Sure my third year was technically spent in Paris and not at Durham at all, but overall this will be my fifth year as a member of Durham University. This time I’m on my way back to start my MA in Theology, a 2.1 at undergrad safely under my belt.
This time next year I’ll be awaiting my results, probably bricking it, while I furiously apply for the millionth job OR sit on my lunch break from the miracle job that I managed to get. I’ll take either at this point.
So, despite the next year being planned out, it’s still all a little bit uncertain. Even though I know exactly what Durham is about and have been smashing it there for the last four years, I still feel a little out of my depth.
I’m worried that I’ve made the wrong decision. Ultimately, I know that I haven’t, and that even if I had it wouldn’t matter. It’s a year of my life, my whole life, and at the very worst it will be fine. I’ve done it all before, and can do it again, and enjoy it again. It’s all very chill. It’s one more year, another (great) qualification, and another year spent with a little more time for blogging and getting stuff done and hanging out with my friends in the middle of the day.
Another year of being a student drain on society hehehehe fight me.
So I have a plan for the next year – a way to get through it with minimum negative impact on my mental health and maximum positive impact on my future. It sounds like a tall order, and I’m bullshitting a little. Generally, it’s all about getting through it without it all going wrong, and maybe even getting something out of it that’s good. Very exciting.
I’ll be applying for jobs while I study, keeping up with blogging (hit me up if you’re in Durham and you’re up for me shouting at you while you take my photo hehe), and studying properly. I’ll be living out of college – which is always better for me anyway – and keeping my head down. Last year was all about making my last year as an undergrad the best ever, doing everything and making it count. This year is more about doing things for me. I’ll do a few extra bits here and there, but overall it’s going to be all about me. I’m awesome.
I’m also going to be keeping up with taking my meds for anxiety and depression, something I fought for ages. I’m not sure I like what I’m on at the moment, and might write a little post all about it at some point, but I think they make me more anxious (as someone who wouldn’t have considered myself to have had actual anxiety before taking them) despite sorting out the depression side. Still, I’ll keep on it and see what happens.
As I say, this year is all about being selfish and doing what I need to do to do well in my MA and well overall.
And so this is my new challenge. To smash the next year as best as I possibly can, and allow myself room to breathe if it starts to fall apart. Ultimately, I chose this year and so I can choose to do it how I would like. And if it’s awful then it’s over soon and I can carry on, but I don’t think it will be.
It’s chill. I can 100% do this. x