Makeup: I Have No Idea What I’m Doing

Makeup: I Have No Idea What I'm DoingIn this instalment of the ‘oh my god I’m finally free of blogging stereotypes’ confessions, I find out why I missed the memo on ‘learn to do your makeup’ day.

I’ll be honest, this post has no actual plan or structure. I came up with the idea while trying to sit through hooded eye smokey-eye tutorials on youtube and realising that I am literally the worst person at makeup. (The hooded eyes don’t help).

For the record, my makeup game on Sims3 is the bomb and I’m an absolute marvel at creating a human being that is not only attractive, but is probably more attractive than any human that ever existed. I’m also really bloody good at designing and building houses, infinity pools and all. Like, I don’t think you appreciate how good I actually am. I’m going to have to include images. This is so real for me.

makeup sims

Anyway.

I have no idea what to do when it comes to real life makeup.

I own it all. I own a lot of makeup (and a lot of lipsticks in exactly the same colour that looked different in he shop. If anyone wants a dusty pink, worn once, hit me up.) I just can’t put it on my face in any other way than average. I can’t cover spots properly, I can’t do anything remotely close to a smokey eye, and when I try anything other than a thick black cat eye, my hooded eyes make it go wonky when I have my eyes open.

When did everyone suddenly become makeup artists? Was I in the loo when it happened?

I did a little twitter poll to find out why I missed the memo on ‘suddenly become a MUA’ day. (These things are always risky.)

Makeup: I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

It wasn’t a popular poll. Hey, I’m clearly not a popular guy. Whatever. As you can also see, YouTube won with a pretty landslide victory. (I tried to embed the actual tweet but after about 20 minutes of trying to centre it using every html trick in the book (that I knew) I gave up.)

Clearly I’ve missed a trick. So, what better way to educate myself to a level that everyone else seems to already be on, than to follow along a tutorial video. (I have a feeling that this would make a great Youtube vid in itself so NO STEALS plz.)

I picked Zoella’s most recent (because I had all the ingredients). A kinda gold eye (is it smokey? I mean, it’s not grey but can gold be smokey?) and a bright lip. I can do bright lips. I have a bright lipstick. I found it a little easier than I expected – purely because it turns out my ‘base’ routine is pretty spot on anyway. I use foundation and concealer, though how she gets hers to completely cover her face properly I’ll never know. I also use blush, bronze and highlighter and apparently I’m not bad at that either.

Makeup: I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

Eyes, on the other hand, were a nightmare. I literally had no idea what I was doing. I had to pause Zoe at one of those unflattering ‘I’ve got my eye half-shut and a brush on my face’ positions and literally transfer what she had done onto my face like some kind of extreme painting by numbers. It took two attempts. Two.

I’ll be honest I definitely have some kind of disadvantage with this because my eyes just don’t fold the way everyone else’s do so finding a crease is the bane of my life. But, overall, I think I did a pretty okay job to be honest. I’m even going to wear it out to lunch in a bit (party in the day time say whaatttt).
Makeup: I Have No Idea What I'm Doing VSCO Cam-4

Have some self-indulgent filtered selfies. If you don’t put on makeup and then take photos, did you even do it in the first place? No. Selfies complete me and you should take ALL the selfies.

And what have I learnt from this experience? Well, mainly that I have a lot to actually learn about how I put things on my face. I’m really really awful at it.

I also learnt that as much fun as it was to do, actually leaving the house in it just felt weird. I’m wearing so much foundation that my face actually feels heavier and a little pasty and I really don’t like it. Is this normal? Does anyone even know?

Are you awful at makeup too?
What was MUA day like and why didn’t you invite me?

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  • Saskia says:

    You’re not alone! I am totally clueless at make-up. My knowledge extends as far how to do a decent eyeliner flick and not drawing my lipstick out of the lines. I’ve given up on blending eyeshadows and contouring. Plus I hate the feel of foundation on my skin so I prefer being bare-faced anyway.

    Saskia / girlinbrogues.com

  • Imogen H says:

    Hahahaha I am so awful at make-up too! I don’t know if it’s because I’ve never been bothered enough to learn how to do it properly, or because I’m naturally just terrible! I was thinking of getting some stuff for Christmas and literally just googled ‘best make-up looks for people who aren’t good at make-up’ to get some inspiration. I get little eyeshadow palette sets from Benefit which actually have little instruction booklets and diagrams and just stick to that seriously! And as for the lipstick… honestly my friend just got me Mac’s Russian Red lipstick for Christmas, along with a matching liner and I was just like ‘why the hell would I use a liner’… I genuinely think she was disappointed in me! So yeah, you’re not alone!

    Imogen // imogenscribbles

  • Cherie says:

    Hahaha 1) I wouldn’t watch Zoella’s videos but HEY FREE WORLD AND ALL DAT. 2) oh yeah I’m bad too because I too, bear the misfortune of hooded eyes and they be hatin’ on the whole smokey eye game. So yeah I have quite a bit of makeup too and I am also clueless. Plus my skin is always on the crazy side, being dry and icky and all so…. ugh. Nonetheless on the days I try, I come out half-decent with a coral lipstick (still haven’t bought Santa baby ouurughh) and we’re good to go!

    Cherie x
    say hi at sinonym

  • Hayley-Eszti Szucs says:

    It looks to me like you are doing a good job! I’m clueless about makeup too. I try my best and can probably get away with it, but I’m far from a pro! I wish I was a contour queen and could perfect the smokey eye and cat eye, but, I can’t.
    Enjoy your weekend 🙂

    Hayley-Eszti | http://www.hayleyeszti.com

  • I love that you admit you dont know makeup well! its nice to see some real honesty in blogging where all i see these days is these im amazing at makeup better than you people

    http://www.beautyandtheboy.com

  • Nicola says:

    Haha, I can relate to this. I have a look that works for me now which is basically almost no make up ever. I think I have the same problem as you, there must be something odd about my eyes because the lids just don’t do what they’re supposed to when it comes to make up!

    Nicola // pink-confetti.co.uk

  • Martha Jane says:

    The Sims 3 images. I love you. But for the record, I think your makeup looks great. Lots of us just pretend we know how to make our faces look good, when in reality we’re all just winging it and hoping for the best! x

    Martha Jane | http://www.marthajanemusic.com

  • Kirsty Baker says:

    I can totally relate to you in the ‘I have no idea how to do my make up thing’. People make it look so easy as well in the videos.

    I’d like to give you a huge virtual pat on the back as I think you did brilliantly replicating this look, your gold smoky eye is on point! Gorgeous xx

    http://www.kirstytalks.co.uk

  • Rhianna Bowe says:

    I’ll teach you, bae ?

    Rhianna xx
    robowecop

  • Katie Louise says:

    Oh I can’t even put foundation on properly, never mind eyeshadow and eyeliner! I think I was probably in the loo too… I think your make up looks great, and the sims make-up and house do too 😉

  • Miu says:

    I also missed the memo 😉 I do not even know how to use eyeliner without looking like a panda. I have no idea what all these different creams and foundations are for and how to apply them correctly. The most I can do is mascara and lipstick. So most of the time I just don’t wear anything 😉

  • I feel all of your pains. Eyeshadow is not my friend. Ever.

    Yours looks pretty bangin’ though. (Yep, apparently I actually just used the word ‘bangin’).

    Laura xx
    http://www.aviewfromthebalcony.com

  • Sophie Lowe says:

    Omg I have hooded eyes too and suck at makeup, particularly eye makeup. I’m so envious of people with big, wide yes with a massive eyelid! Loved this post and your honesty!

    http://sophie-georgia.blogspot.co.uk

  • I can’t do a smokey eye either, I think I’m good with makeup, I do my mums sometimes but that’s it! Hooded eyes are the worst though, regardless your gorgeous with your hooded eyes! Xx

    OliviaCheryl.com

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