[dropcap]G[/dropcap]uys, I’m really behind on getting back to looking after myself. By now, four weeks into term, I’d kinda figured that I’d be back on track and I’d be shedding some of the Paris weight and I’d be all happy and whatever. I was probably really naive. College is fully catered and I’m really into crisps and all in all I need to get a grip.
I’m not in Paris anymore, Toto.
Real talk, though. I need to sort myself out.
I’m not sad and lonely anymore. I don’t live right above a supermarket or boulangerie anymore. I have a gym a 30 second walk from my front door, and, let’s face it, I have time to kill.
I really have no excuse. No excuse at all.
So I’m going public.
I’m giving myself six weeks – basically until the end of this term – to sort it out. I want to go home, back to my family and back to Ollie, feeling happier and better and stronger, and ready to enjoy Christmas properly. I’m already excited just thinking about it!
It’s a real drain on my confidence. A real drain. I find myself thinking about it constantly and worrying about it constantly and getting angry at myself constantly. It’s something that will make me happy in the long run.
Time to start making some healthy choices. Time to start putting my health over ease or convenience. Time to strap myself into a sports bra (I’ve actually done this part quite a bit already).
I’m going to stop blaming other things for why I’ve been so lazy with the self-care stuff. Sure I put on weight on the pill, but I haven’t been on it in over a month. And sure I put on weight in Paris but that was literally four months ago and I need to get over it. Only I can change the way I see myself, and the way I want to be seen by the world. I need to stop blaming things, and creating scapegoats. I’m in charge.
Most of all, my challenge for the next six weeks is just to be proud of myself. I want to walk down a street and just feel content. I want to be at ease with my body and my perceptions of myself.
Time to smash my own expectations and be a complete and utter badass.0