The fact that I need a passport just to see my boyfriend is a little annoying to be honest. Other annoying things include the price of flights/eurostar and the fact that between now and June I have only one week off uni. One week. Now and June.
I’m still getting used to being so far away from everyone, not just him. It’s a bit surreal to be honest. To go from living with people constantly around you, 24/7, for two years, to living alone in a big city, is pretty weird.
So Oliver and I didn’t have the most conventional relationship timeline. Rather than meet and then move in together, we lived together for the first two years of our relationship, and then moved apart. One of those gross freshers’ relationships that started because of convenience (lol) and then just carried on. Because of this, being by myself feels more like the summer holidays than it does the school year. I genuinely don’t understand why he’s doing all this essay writing and stuff because I sure as hell am not.
Long distance is pretty rough. After a few months you do genuinely start to believe that you are dating FaceTime. You also start doing that thing where you both press play on the same Netflix thing at the same time so you can watch it ‘together’. I know. So sad.
Relying on the internet has its downfalls. For a start, after a bad day there is no one physically there to chat to, or make you a tea or give you a hug. There’s also no one there to share the happy things with. You have to constantly wait for them to be free, or to pick up the phone, or to have longer than 10 mins to talk.
Postage for little presents and postcards is also a nightmare. Seriously, screw Valentines Day, man.
Oliver is right. It is hard BUT it is fine as long as you acknowledge it and are prepared for it.
Before I moved to France we had a 30 second conversation along these lines:
Me: I think I’m going to go to Paris next year
Him: Wow. That sounds amazing! You should totally do that!
Me: You chill with that?
Him: Not my place to be or not be chill with it. We’re cool.
Paraphrased of course (cough), but you get the idea. We did discuss the options re: us a little further but neither of us wanted to break up and both of us were prepared to spend a little on transport and trips to Paris – massive nightmare, I know.
Obviously in a lot of cases staying together isn’t the best idea, or wouldn’t work, and that’s totally cool too. Everyone is different.
But, just in case you were thinking about doing something as stupid as me and moving abroad, we thought we’d compile a few little tips. Obviously they’re all completely subjective so don’t take them all as gospel. As I say, everyone is different.
Tips For Long Distance Love (lol)
- Find time to talk. Make time to talk. Seriously. You don’t have to text every second of the day and you don’t have to skype every night but make sure you do actually talk. If we have a free minute or if we have some news that we can’t be bothered to type into our phones, we quickly call. Sometimes five minutes, sometimes 15, once it was two hours but that was a bit weird.
- When you do talk, talk properly. I mean, if you have things to talk properly about. Some of the best chats we’ve had over FT have been while I’ve made dinner and to be honest we’ve said more words to each other in the cinema buttttt that’s not the point. Talk as if they were there in real life.
- Be honest. Oliver says that the only really hard thing about Long Distance is when we aren’t honest with each other. When we’re down but don’t mention it, or when something’s happened and we don’t say, good or bad. Honesty really is the best policy and really does beat away all those pesky ‘I’m so far away from them and a million prettier people’ blues.
- Cards/presents are a godsend. Bit of shallow one. Don’t care. The best part of my month is when something comes for me in the mail. Partly because my building’s gardienne is a babe and knows me by my face and is always like ‘hey Imii I have a parcel for you’ and also because it’s just nice to be thought of. Even just a postcard with the classic ‘things are good, I am good’ written on it is the best thing ever. Its different and its fun and it makes me happy.
- If you don’t trust them/yourself, then maybe it’s not for you. Tough love, there. If you’re constantly worried about them running off with some random in da club, or you’re worried that you’ll get lonely or needy or whatever, then don’t bother. Save yourselves the heartache and the stress. Keep yourself happy in whatever way you choose, but don’t cause hurt for anyone, including yourself.
Do you have any tips for surviving a long distance relationship?
Do you have any long distance stories to tell?