Let’s Talk About Long Distance Relationships

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThe Roue De Paris

[dropcap]I[/dropcap] live approximately 876.3km away from Ollie, in another country. That’s around 544 miles. Sorry, Ollie. I probably wouldn’t walk 500 miles to see you, and definitely not 500 miles more (to get back).

The fact that I need a passport just to see my boyfriend is a little annoying to be honest. Other annoying things include the price of flights/eurostar and the fact that between now and June I have only one week off uni. One week. Now and June.

I’m still getting used to being so far away from everyone, not just him. It’s a bit surreal to be honest. To go from living with people constantly around you, 24/7, for two years, to living alone in a big city, is pretty weird.

So Oliver and I didn’t have the most conventional relationship timeline. Rather than meet and then move in together, we lived together for the first two years of our relationship, and then moved apart. One of those gross freshers’ relationships that started because of convenience (lol) and then just carried on. Because of this, being by myself feels more like the summer holidays than it does the school year. I genuinely don’t understand why he’s doing all this essay writing and stuff because I sure as hell am not.

Long distance is pretty rough. After a few months you do genuinely start to believe that you are dating FaceTime. You also start doing that thing where you both press play on the same Netflix thing at the same time so you can watch it ‘together’. I know. So sad.

Relying on the internet has its downfalls. For a start, after a bad day there is no one physically there to chat to, or make you a tea or give you a hug. There’s also no one there to share the happy things with. You have to constantly wait for them to be free, or to pick up the phone, or to have longer than 10 mins to talk.

Postage for little presents and postcards is also a nightmare. Seriously, screw Valentines Day, man.

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Oliver is right. It is hard BUT it is fine as long as you acknowledge it and are prepared for it.

Before I moved to France we had a 30 second conversation along these lines:

Me: I think I’m going to go to Paris next year
Him: Wow. That sounds amazing! You should totally do that!
Me: You chill with that?
Him: Not my place to be or not be chill with it. We’re cool.

Paraphrased of course (cough), but you get the idea. We did discuss the options re: us a little further but neither of us wanted to break up and both of us were prepared to spend a little on transport and trips to Paris – massive nightmare, I know.

Obviously in a lot of cases staying together isn’t the best idea, or wouldn’t work, and that’s totally cool too. Everyone is different.

But, just in case you were thinking about doing something as stupid as me and moving abroad, we thought we’d compile a few little tips. Obviously they’re all completely subjective so don’t take them all as gospel. As I say, everyone is different.

Tips For Long Distance Love (lol)

  1. Find time to talk. Make time to talk. Seriously. You don’t have to text every second of the day and you don’t have to skype every night but make sure you do actually talk. If we have a free minute or if we have some news that we can’t be bothered to type into our phones, we quickly call. Sometimes five minutes, sometimes 15, once it was two hours but that was a bit weird.
  2. When you do talk, talk properly. I mean, if you have things to talk properly about. Some of the best chats we’ve had over FT have been while I’ve made dinner and to be honest we’ve said more words to each other in the cinema buttttt that’s not the point. Talk as if they were there in real life.
  3. Be honest. Oliver says that the only really hard thing about Long Distance is when we aren’t honest with each other. When we’re down but don’t mention it, or when something’s happened and we don’t say, good or bad. Honesty really is the best policy and really does beat away all those pesky ‘I’m so far away from them and a million prettier people’ blues.
  4. Cards/presents are a godsend. Bit of shallow one. Don’t care. The best part of my month is when something comes for me in the mail. Partly because my building’s gardienne is a babe and knows me by my face and is always like ‘hey Imii I have a parcel for you’ and also because it’s just nice to be thought of. Even just a postcard with the classic ‘things are good, I am good’ written on it is the best thing ever. Its different and its fun and it makes me happy.
  5. If you don’t trust them/yourself, then maybe it’s not for you. Tough love, there. If you’re constantly worried about them running off with some random in da club, or you’re worried that you’ll get lonely or needy or whatever, then don’t bother. Save yourselves the heartache and the stress. Keep yourself happy in whatever way you choose, but don’t cause hurt for anyone, including yourself.

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Do you have any tips for surviving a long distance relationship?
Do you have any long distance stories to tell?

 

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  • Bethan says:

    Great post! I’ve never been 500 miles away from my boyfriend but we have done long distance. It’s so hard not being able to see them, but skype is a godsend! Just being able to talk about mundane things like your day makes things so much better, and it’s good to remember that long distance doesn’t last forever! x

    http://www.bethanlikes.com

  • Miu says:

    My whole relationship has never been anything different than long-distance. Maybe that makes it easier?

  • Cuteinstgram says:

    Such a lovely post. But no matter what always Love if it was true, would always win.
    I wish you the best of luck in your relationship.

    JULIE | cuteiinstgram.blogspot.com

  • I just found your blog and I think I’m in love! There’s only 200 miles between my boyfriend and I and more importantly we’re in the same country, but this all still resonates with me. We did the press-play-at-the-same-time thing until we discovered this amazing site called Rabbit (unfortunate name imo) – it’s video calling but includes screen sharing, so you can watch Netflix/YouTube etc etc at exactly the same time. Maybe you and Oliver might be able to make some use of it, if you ever have that much spare time!
    I hope life is sunny where you are 🙂
    Lx
    http://www.lucyeyf.co.uk

  • rachelbrotherston says:

    I’ll be moving away from my boyfriend of 4 years to do my year abroad this year and I’m so anxious for it. Reading this post definitely gave me things to think about, thank you!

  • Be says:

    Being in a long-distance relationship is so hard! I had one and it didn’t last, but I totally remember everything you mention in this post like it was yesterday. It’s like this quote “distance means so little when someone means so much”.

    Be | lovefrombe

  • Imogen H says:

    The top two are so important! Well, all of them are but I know first-hand about the communication issue… I was in a long distance(ish) relationship for a year (me in Leeds, him in London) and it was absolutely fine because we always found time to talk, organised visits etc. Then I moved to France and the fact that there were more miles between us wasn’t the problem, it was that one of us made no time to talk, and didn’t talk properly anyway (COUGH COUGH, NOT ME). Haha, but seriously, it’s not forever and if you’re a strong couple then the distance is just an obstacle, that can be overcome! Sounds like you and Ollie are great and you’ll be back in no time anyway. 🙂

    Imogen // imogenscribbles

  • The Nerdy Me says:

    I bet that long distance relationships aren’t the easiest ones and they are pretty damn hard. But I also think that they have an ability to make the couple stronger and make them trust each other more. IF you survived long distance, then you can survive everything else! 🙂

    -Leta | The Nerdy Me

  • Aimee Julia says:

    I’m lucky, the longest I’ve been apart from my OH in five years is a week, when he went away on business to our HQ in Amsterdam. It was hard, but we spoke every evening, even just for 2 mins to say goodnight. I don’t know how I’d survive longer than a week though! Well, I would, if I had to. Will definitely come back to these tips if we do have to go long-distance for longer! Great post 🙂 X http://www.aimeeraindropwrites.co.uk X

  • Hannah says:

    very interesting reading this post! My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship (definitely not as far apart as you guys) and sometimes we don’t even talk to each other for a couple of weeks… but i trust him and he trusts me so it just kind works out!

    Hannah at WRITTEN BY HANNAH

  • Rosie | eatreadglam says:

    Great post, I’ve never been in a situation quite like this but my fiance has had to stay away for work and you just make it work. I’m considering doing a masters in Edinburgh, which might mean we’re away from each other for a year but we’ll just have to make it work because it’s a year out the rest of our lives.

  • Rachel says:

    Great post. My girlfriend and I were long-distance for 10 months when she went to uni in LA and I was in the UK. Around 5,000+ miles (!) of distance. It definitely takes a bit of work but once you’re in it, you just get on with it.

    Rachel | http://www.currentlyrachel.com

  • Sally O'Kelly says:

    This is a really interesting post, a good insight. I haven’t really been in one but I wish you the best with yours, sounds like you’re being very sensible about it!

    The Makeup Directory

  • Emily Eddings says:

    This is a really great post! My girlfriend is in Brighton at university and I’m all the way up North. With studying etc we don’t get a ton of time together but we always stay in contact and make time for each other via phone, skype etc. Obviously being in the same city would be awesome but there is enough love there to make it work until that time comes. High five to both of you though for making it work 🙂 x

    Emily – http://www.positivelystupendous.co.uk

  • Anastasia says:

    What a brilliant article! (Also happy Ive found your blog after following you on Instagram your feed is goals).
    He sounds like a great boyfriend having such an understanding, you are a lucky girl!x

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