The Introverted Blogger.

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[dropcap]M[/dropcap]y introversion is something that has taken me a while to come to terms with. Like, I’m quite seriously introverted, but not in a ‘head-in-a-book’ way, and not in a locking myself in my room way.

It took me a long, long time (I’m talking 20 years) to get over the fact that my introversion didn’t match up with the introversion that I saw all around me. I’m not really into reading, I’m not into baking or crafts, I’m not really that into the whole tumblr introverted aesthetic.

But, on the other hand, I’m not at all extroverted. I hate loud noises and busy places, and shouting and being in front of people and being in the same room as more than 10 people at a time. I feel uncomfortable planning two social events on the same day, and if I don’t get at least two days alone time to recover after something big I tend to find myself permanently exhausted and sad and moody.

At school, and for a while at university, this kind of ‘am I introverted?’ thing was a nightmare. Being constantly torn between wanting to have a million friends, but also shying away from too much interaction or too many loud places was really bloody hard. I didn’t want to be sat with a book, or whatever, but couldn’t handle the intensity of large groups of loud people. The first two years of uni were pretty much the same. I was happy to spend time in the bar with my friends but felt nervous and uncomfortable if we headed into town – this is back when I drank and a couple of well-timed shots could sort it…

For a long time it was like ‘well, what if I’m just boring? What if I’m just not fun?’ and it was a killer. Like, an absolute killer. It’s like you have loads of friends but are worried about each and every one of them realising that you’re actually the worst when you keep using the ‘nah not feeling it’ excuse for a night out, but also you like seeing your friends and arghhh what do I even do?!

Living alone, organising my life and generally being a lot more free this year, has led me to quite a startling realisation. I’m fine. How I want to spend my time is totally fine.

A while ago people were giving me a bit of shit about not ‘experiencing’ my year abroad properly. It was nothing major and was probably a bit of a joke, but the implication was that because I wasn’t spending every evening in the bars of Paris, or drinking wine from the bottle by the Seine, that I somehow was wasting my year abroad. I’ll admit, it got me down a bit. I mean, there have been times this year that that would have totally been my thing, but most of the time I’d rather be doing anything else. I’ve done my year how I’ve wanted to do my year. I’ve spent afternoons in cafés and walked alone for hours and explored and I’ve been so much happier doing that. And that’s fine. Everyone has their own Paris and mine is hot chocolate and magnolia blossoms. Yours might be wine and the first metro home.

I think blogging appeals to introverts. Sure, it’s talking aloud to hundreds, thousands, of people, and sure everyone is looking at you and your posts, but the internet and all its faults means that you can’t really see them. Right now I’m siting in bed, fairy lights on, with a cup of tea. You’re reading this, along with (I hope) a few other people, and I just have no idea. I’m getting my thoughts and feelings and ideas across without having to actually stand in front of you, feeling your eyes on me, and having to deliver it right to your face. It would appear that the anonymity that we all detest (keyboard warriors, etc.) can actually be a little beneficial.

We all find our place eventually. I’m now in a place where I can take time for myself, away from the world, and not feel guilty for it. I can explain to the good friends that I have that I need a day or two to recover, and I can look forward to my final year of uni generally not giving a damn about all the stuff I used to do because I thought I had to.

Most importantly, I can spend time doing something that I love knowing that it genuinely makes me happy and rested. That’s pretty cool.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? A bit of both?
Do you ever feel guilty for being yourself?

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  • QueenBeady says:

    Oh babe, it makes me sad that people were trying to tell you how to spend your time. Goddammit, it’s your time & you should be able to do what you want with it. You’ve had an amazing experience and it sounds like you have done it the way YOU wanted to and that is VERY important. I am constantly thinking “FOMO” but I know when to say no if I can’t do it. It’s about finding that balance.
    Bee | QueenBeady.com

  • Patti Blue says:

    It makes me sad that people were telling you how to spend your time in Paris. You are right, everyone wants to experience the city in their own way! I am quite introvert myself, although it got a bit less over the years, it was definitey worse when I was younger. There is nothing wrong with it though. Everyone is different and not everyone wants to be the centre of every party. 🙂
    Patti Shifting Tales

  • Kirsty Baker says:

    Since I started blogging a year and a half ago I have come to the realisation that most bloggers are introverted (myself included). For the reasons you say actually, we can express out inner thoughts to a lot of people without actually having to, y’know, be among a lot of people.

    I’m also not heavily into books, or art & design so you’re not alone on that front. But hey, you don’t have to be all loud and out there to be interesting or fun to be around 🙂

    x

    http://www.kirstytalks.co.uk

  • Amy Eleanor says:

    So much yes to this. People can be so judgey about how others spend their time and the choices they make, when really what does it matter? Who cares if someone is doing life a little differently to how you think they should? Besides surely if we all enjoyed and did the same things life would be a bit boring as there would be nothing new to discover- or y’know, some other inspirational quote like that. Your version of Paris sounds pretty great to me, give me hot chocolate and blossoms over sticky noisy bars any day!
    http://www.ameldi.com

  • Becky Bedbug says:

    I worried for the longest time about doing uni “wrong” because I wasn’t going out and partying every night. It took me a while to shake off the fear that I would always regret that but it’s been 10 (!) years since I started uni and I don’t regret a single thing

  • I really enjoyed reading this because I’m also introverted, and that’s why I love blogging because I can communicate with lots of people but I’m not actually talking in front of a large group! x

    http://emmaboughtwhat.blogspot.co.uk/

  • Aimée Julia Cottle says:

    I’m a ‘classic’ introvert, I guess. I really, really would prefer to be at home with my cat and a book than out socialising with friends. And when I have plans (which isn’t all that often) I need, really need a day or two to recover. I’ve never been particularly bothered by my introversion. I only really noticed it when I started dating my other half, who is most definitely an extrovert. He struggles to understand why I’d rather be at home than out with friends. And why, when we’ve spent one night with his friends, I can’t do it again the next day. I think, hope, that after 5 years of being together he’s figured it out now; it’s just who I am. And I’d just like to say that, the way you’ve been spending your time in Paris would be like my dream way of spending my time in Paris! x http://www.aimeeraindropwrites.co.uk x

  • Miu says:

    Here, I’m an introvert, too! Sometimes I get the feeling that I’m not doing enough and that everyone else is happier etc. because they post pictures of all the things they did with their friends, but everytime I go to somewhere there’s one point in the evening when I just feel empty. Even when I like all these people and the place where we are, it really feels like “What am I doing here?”

  • Martha Jane says:

    I COULD NOT relate to this more. I think I’ve said this before, but we seem to be very similar in terms of our introversion. People have told me ‘I’m not having the university experience’ even though I wouldn’t ever want it. I wonder, where does your boyfriend fit into this? Just out of interest, because my boyfriend is the only person I can bear being with for extended periods of time, and that’s another thing people have held against me x

    Martha Jane | http://www.marthajanemusic.com

    • Imii Mace says:

      Omg I hadn’t even thought about Ollie! You’re right, we are the same! Ollie is pretty much the only person I can spend an entire day with without wanting to tear my eyes out. Isn’t that weird? Strangely, no one has ever been weird about that, although I’d have expected them to be. As long as anyone from uni has known us, we’ve been a ‘two’ so I guess people just assume we come in a pair. Then again, I’ve been in a completely different country for this year so I have no idea! xx

  • Life Real Crystal says:

    One eventually finds balance! I was pushing myself to being this uber social person and most of the time I felt anxious because I couldn’t meet the expectations I had and other people had. After a while I had enough of tormenting myself about it and just gave in into my lovely solitud for a while until I met my BF who totally understands that I need some alone time from time to time and is just lovely. When it came to friends, I tried super hard to become best friends with girls and just didnt click for me, I cant keep up with everything so I am now in a “I am friendly to you nice person” kind of thing and I really like it to be honest. Not everyone is the same and your story is yours, doesnt need to be similar to anyone else’s. ❤️?

    https://liferealcrystal.wordpress.com/2016/05/30/is-there-a-balance-between-foodie-and-skinny-btch/

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