[dropcap]S[/dropcap]omething tells me I need to take better care of my nails. Or at least keep them looking moderately presentable. You never know when you might be pestering your worse half to take ‘look at me being fancy’ photos of you, holding ‘look at me being fancy’ drinks. I’m a disaster (I’m not). I’ve also decided that I subconsciously bite my lip way too much, not even in a sexy way, and so have created a permanent dent in my bottom lip. It makes me look like I’m pouting and I’m really not. Not much, anyway.
Enough of that. Just let me remember what I was actually going to write this post about, other than picking apart what is actually a pretty good photo of me…
Oh yes, alcohol.
So contrary to that photo, I don’t drink. That’s obviously a little lie as I’m very obviously drinking a fancy Bellini on the roof of Tom’s Kitchen, HMS Belfast. On the whole, however, I do not touch the demon.
I’d say I have a drink once every other month. A little more often in the last few months, but before that it was a solid six months of alco-abstinence. And a good 10 months before that. I don’t drink with meals. I don’t drink on nights out (lol if I even bother to go). I don’t drink at home watching Grey’s. My alcohol intake is reserved entirely for a glass of prosecco/cava/champagne at some sort of celebration, and the odd rogue cocktail that I then immediately regret. If it were my birthday and you offered me a glass of bubbly I’d probably say no, if I’m really honest. I like diet coke, water, and squash. That’s about it.
Alcohol is not my jam.
People are weird about that fact. Not super weird, and not now that most of my friends have graduated and are getting over the whole ‘drinking is cool’ thing, but sometimes people are weird. Weirdly though, this post isn’t going to be about how annoying it is when people stare at you like a dancing dog, eyes wide, when you say you don’t drink.
This post is going to be about how damn annoying it is when I do occasionally have a drink. When I feel a bit cheeky (lol) and have a gin & tonic, or a flute of something, or maybe a Sex On The Beach.
This is when the questions start.
If you’ve been here on the long term, and shout out to you, then you’ll remember that time I was ‘vegan’. I was straight up vegan for about six months, having been vegetarian before, on and off. I say vegan, as it was the easiest way to describe my eating habits, but what I was really wasn’t strict and plant based, at all. I ate what I wanted and 99.9% of the time, that was completely vegan. That .1% was the odd spaghetti bolognaise or chicken nugget. This is because it’s my body and my life and I can eat exactly what I want. No hate.
The questions I get from the occasional tipple are the same as those I got from those that saw me nibble on that nugget.
‘I thought you don’t drink?’ On the whole, I don’t. ‘Why are you drinking?’ Because I want to. ‘Do you not feel bad for drinking?’ Do you? ‘Will you regret drinking?’ Probably, to be honest. ‘So do you drink or not?’ On the whole, I don’t. ‘But you do?’ Yes, but only on a full moon when Mercury is in retrograde…
Why do y’all care so much about whether or not I’m doing something? Why is it so important to you? Why do I owe you an explanation?
I’m not a preachy non-drinker. I don’t proclaim it to the entire bar before I order a drink. I don’t mention it every three seconds. I don’t bring up the fact that I never get hangovers or spend the night with my head in the loo. I never talk about how my skin is amazing. I never talk about how much money I save, especially in Durham, by only drinking 50p pints of Diet Coke. I’m a super cheap date.
I never ever bring it up, unless I’m asked.
‘Hahaha how’s that student life? Do you ever make it to lectures? Lol alcohol poisoning! Lad lad lad.’ Ah yeah it’s fun but I don’t actually drink so not too bad, thanks.
Maybe I’m misleading people.
But what would you rather I said, as I ordered a diet coke in a Shoreditch bar on a Friday night?
‘Hi, I’m Imii, and I do drink but only once in a while so right now I’m going to order this coke, with ice, and enjoy it and have a good time and I’m not going to give a damn about what you’re drinking. I’m also going to have far more money left in my bank account at the end of the night.’
For now I’m just going to stick to ‘I don’t drink’ and wait for everyone just to get over it.