Just like everyone else, there are some things that I am absolutely awful at. It’s time to start accepting myself.
Starting this blog has got me thinking about what they are, exactly, and whether or not they’re as important as my over-critical mind thinks they are.
Get comfy, grab a brew. Let us begin:
1 // I’m not very good with numbers
I am really quite awful at maths. Well, not awful awful. I still scraped an A at GCSE and can add up money and stuff, but overall I am not a mental maths person. I honestly don’t know how I manage to get by with my lack of numerical skill but hey, ho. If I’ve got to 20 and made no massive errors then I reckon I’m okay – and that’s why they invented calculators, right?
2 // I don’t own a white flag
I’m pretty bad at admitting defeat. If I believe I’m right about something I will fight to the death for that thing. Obviously if it turns out I’m wrong and that’s clear then cool I’ll hold my hands up but on the whole, this doesn’t happen. I’m always right – you just don’t know it yet.
Even now while I’m writing this I’m getting defensive about it.
I have a huge marmite personality, I’m very aware of this. I love that though. It means I’m fiery and sassy and people remember me. I’d rather be hated for being fun and self-assured, than liked for being safe!
3 // I can’t revise, and don’t revise
I am one of those awful awful people who can do no work for an exam and come out with an A at the end. #donthatemecauseyouaintme
The thing is, I absolutely hate that about myself. It stresses me out no end. Everyone starts revising so early and I sit there procrastinating knowing that I work better closer to the date and then I’m like ‘oh well what if this time it doesn’t work?’ and then I panic about that and either way, no work is done.
Luckily, my revision system has never failed me *touch wood*
See, what did I say about me being marmite?
4 // Relaxing stresses me out
I find relaxing so so hard. Even when I feel more relaxed I’m still on edge. It’s actually becoming a real problem, especially in Durham where my housing situation is less than ideal. Not even Netflix, baths and candles help properly. Yoga helps while I’m doing it and then bam, back to worrying.
I have to have complete control over a situation or I worry. I have to know what’s going on completely or I worry. Even on a night out after a few drinks I worry. That’s right, not even alcohol stops me worrying. I’ve even been known to worry about worrying!
At least I always have a plan in case the worst does happen…
5 // I spend too much time looking at others
After reading the lovely Rhianna’s post on Toxic Comparisons I realised that I am very much guilty of judging others, and judging myself. Though this is cooled down since school (seriously, all-girls did not sit well with the ‘love each other’ vibe) I do still find myself occasionally commenting to myself on other people and each time I am absolutely disgusted by it. As I say, in the last year this has calmed down and is now very rare, it still haunts me.
On a similar note, I’m awful to myself. I’m horrendously critical, notice everything about myself, and am fabulous is beating myself up about things for years. I mean YEARS. Nothing is good enough when it comes to me. One time I got an 86 for a uni essay which is pretty damn good, for a while I was like yeaaahhh! but now I’m like ‘maybe if you’d spelt that one word right you’d have got 90…’
I am a bully – I think it’s probably why I have trouble relaxing.
So there you go, the darker side of Imii!
I hope you enjoyed finding out a little more about me and my life – I also hope that in me sharing these you’ll be able to accept some of the things about yourself that you may not be proud of.
I think recognising your struggles is something so so important!