I know. Can you even think of such a life? Definition of cursed.
Since moving to France, I’ve had more than my fair share of internet drama. Seriously. I spent two weeks in September trekking to and from Maccys for the wifi, and I’m doing it all again now.
As if I needed anything else to go wrong for me at the moment.
I’m seriously starting to believe in signs from the universe and all that jazz.
Believe it or not, at some point in your life, you are going to face this hardship. This struggle that cuts you to the core, that leads you to loitering outside cafes and going to the library when you have no work. You are going to be without the internet.
‘Imii, what do we do?!’ I hear you cry.
Fear not. I have a few things up my sleeve. A few little tricks to make those endless hours feel like slightly less endless hours.
(I mean seriously, I also have no data so can’t even bloody text…)
15 Things To Do When You Have No Internet
- Read a book. Yep. I’m going to get this one over and done with. Go old school and sit down with a brew and read a book. (I hate reading so this one really isn’t my jam…)
- Pamper night! Light those candles, crack open those face masks, you’re in for a treat. Maybe a little music? A little wine? Damn, its like a date but with zero disappointment.
- Leave the house. Mainly because other places actually have internet. Also because why stay indoors when you can be indoors somewhere else (with a massive hot chocolate).
- Spring cleaning? I mean, what else are you going to do? Look at clean rooms on pinterest? Be your own pinterest. Put on some music and hoover in your underwear.
- Fashion show! Try on all of your clothes. All of them. And your shoes and your makeup. Put it all on, take it all off. Throw some of it away. Feel all cool with your new capsule wardrobe.
- Invite someone over. They might not be too happy at the lack of internet, but if they can’t chat to your face without looking at their phone then they aint no pal. Have a natter like you used to in the old days before boys and work.
- Play video games. My lack on internet means that I also have no TV. My TV box works through the wifi so I’m pretty stuck. No Disney Channel or French cooking for me. Sadly my GameCube is at home, but fruit ninja is just as good as Mario Kart…
- Do some exercise. Yep, it features on every list ever, and that includes this one. I go to the gym a lot more when Netflix isn’t working. True fact.
- Organise your life. Seriously, get your act together.
- Bake a cake! Yay! Everyone loves cake! Chocolate cake, vanilla cake, carrot cake, any cake. Send it to me, okay?
- Get artsy and craftsy. Make something. Decorate your room. Decorate your house. At the very least fix those fairy lights that are falling down a little.
- Take and edit allllll of those blog photos that need doing. I get that this is weather permitting, but also you’ll feel so much better when you’ve done. Get all those marble backgrounds shot.
- Do your homework, lazy. Y’know that thing that you’re using the internet to distract you from? Write that essay.
- Spend forever in the bath. I mean, what’s the point of even having those bath bombs if you’re not going to use them? How will instagram manage without your swirly photo (obviously posted way later because internet)? Relax, pal.
- Bitch endlessly about having no internet. Go to internet places specifically to tweet, insta and blog all about how you have no internet. Tell your friends at work/school. Tell strangers in the street.
Has anything on that list caught your eye? No that you need it though – you are technically reading this on the internet.
If I were you I’d print this out and file it so that you can refer to it when the unthinkable happens to you. Like a survival guide.
I believe in you.
Together we can get through this.
Is there anything you’d like to add to this list?
Sometimes its nice to switch off, don’t you agree?